“Doesn’t he know that?” my perplexed college daughter asked about her puzzling co-ed. After all, to us, women are pretty straight forward. How come it sometimes seems like the guys in our lives have no clue how to relate to us?
He was born that way.
Since males and females were created with a distinct design, we each come to life and interaction with the opposite sex from a different perspective. It takes intentional thought, skill, and work to change the lens through which we see life. If we want to understand the guy in our lives (the sons, the brothers, the friends, the fathers, the lovers) we will not only need to seek to understand him, we will need to help him understand us.
For the inside scoop on how to give understanding to someone born clueless, we have only to look to the greatest teacher of all. People often called Jesus “Teacher,” as he patiently and passionately instructed them in what was a mystery to their limited understanding. He often creatively helped them understand what they didn’t even know they needed to understand.
Because He loved them, He taught them. Jesus could’ve decided we should “just know” these things, especially since we are created BY God and FOR God, but He knows that when it comes to being clueless, we are born that way. He laid down His life to bring us near, so we had a lot to learn. If we were going to know and be known, He had to help us. If we were going to draw near to Him, He had to instruct us. If we were going to give ourselves to Him and receive the giving of Himself to us, He had to enlighten us.
Love is willing to teach. Jesus didn’t instruct with an attitude of arrogance at His supremacy or with disgust at our ignorance. He taught with the goal of drawing people to Himself. It’s the perfect model for women who want to know what to do with their “him.” Perhaps we could “lay down our lives” by thoughtfully, patiently, and humbly explaining ourselves to the men who are scratching their heads in puzzled wonder. Love is willing to teach. Teach him.
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:12-13)
10 Tips for how to teach your man
- Teach him with humility
- Teach him with patience
- Teach him with thoughtful timing
- Teach him with desire to be near
- Teach him with creativity
- Teach him with few words
- Teach him with regularity
- Teach him with respect
- Teach him with gentleness
- Teach him with a teachable spirit
To my dear daughter’s question, I answered, “No. He doesn’t know. He was born that way. If he’s to know, you will have to become skilled at teaching him.” If we want to draw close to the fella in our life, whatever the relationship, we will need to teach him.
What are you teaching the man in your life?
- Are you teaching him to put on his body armor to protect against verbal attacks?
- Are you teaching him to tune out your critical spirit?
- Are you teaching him that your words always have strings attached?
- Are you teaching him that you are on his side?
- Are you teaching him that you want to know him?
- Are you teaching him that he can know you?
Love that man like Jesus loves you, sweet girlfriend. Lay down your life as an open book and use it to teach him.